J-SALT fam

The rain came down / And the friends came / Together

The power of piano / And paper airplanes / Thank you, Sarah / Paul

The dining hall / Is now my home / And J-SALT / Family

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I don’t like how WordPress formats my poetry in the excerpt for the posts, so I’m trying a new format…

This poem was from the prompt “A Storm”, and I wrote it in Camp Gilead’s dining hall after cleaning up with the rest of the junior counselors, who were working as kitchen staff during Teen Week. The usual kitchen staff are SALT members (Service And Leadership Training), so we called ourselves J-SALT (Junior Counselor SALT). There is a piano in the Hall (don’t ask why), and our SALT leader, Paul, and the lovely Sarah, the nurse’s assistant who helped out whenever she could, played us some lovely piano pieces. It was a really sweet time, so I pulled out my poetry prompt journal to try to express what I was feeling.

Camp is officially over, and I’m trying to reclaim some sort of normalcy before I start school on Monday Hopefully I’ll get some more posts written and all that jazz. 🙂

Squid

I’m Gonna Miss My Lil Bro

Giggles, squeals
And smol smiles galore,
Adam and I
Rough house-ing on the floor

He pushes me over
And I roll on my back
He jumps into my arms
And I hug him right back

With his face right near mine
His volume down to a 2,
He rubs our noses together, and says
“Ugga mugga“;
I love you too.

I barely have time
To appreciate his love
Before he gets right back up
And gives me a shove!

I throw up my hands
And chase him around.
It’s a lovely way to spend
One of my last nights in town.

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I’m leaving for the FPEA homeschool convention on tomorrow, and then I’m going straight to Camp Gilead for the summer, only coming back on Saturdays (basically). 

So, I’m trying to soak up all the Adam-ness I can before I leave.  Monday night, I played with him after dinner for a bit.  He gets a bit riled up, but his sweet, quick love inbetween all of his little boyish yelling and tumbling almost made me cry because I know how much I’ll miss him.  D: 

He just turned four on Saturday, and I can’t believe I’m gonna be gone all summer and miss his amazing adorableness!  I’m storing up all his affection in my heart so that I won’t feel like I should have spent more time with him, should have let him play racetrack on my bed one more time, etc. 

Shoutout to my lil bro! ❤

-Squid

 

P.S. I guess I did manage to fit in one more blog post before I left! 🙂

Jealous No More and Other Thoughts

I’m going to be honest.

I used to be jealous of happy couples.  I would almost feel pain when I saw their affectionate interactions.  I wanted that connection, I wanted that companionship, I wanted that love.

But, now, I don’t feel that longing, that overwhelming feeling of solitude.  God finally got it through my thick skull that I have something better.  I still feel that I was specifically created to be a helpmate and wife, but I have peace that I can get by without being in a relationship of that type because my fulfillment comes from serving God, not being someone’s significant other.

Plus, I don’t want someone else’s relationship.  I don’t want a relationship just to be in a relationship.  I want a God-planned, God-centered, God-timed romance-partnership that we call marriage.  When God wants me to enter into that kind of commitment, He’ll make it happen.  Until then, I content my heart in Him.

I need to be truly content, not, “I should be focusing on God, so there. *foot stomp*”  but, instead, “I rejoice in my Lord because He has my heart.  When He wants to give it to someone, that’s His call, not mine. *true smile of inner peace that passes understanding down in my heart*”

I just noticed this culmination of growth in myself last week, so yay for self-evaluations! 😆

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This epiphany leads me to another evaluation, this time of what main points God has been showing me over the past year of my life, ones that I think have led up to this realization. (Milestones often evoke this type of reflection in me, haha).

The 17th year of my life (when I was 16… think about it) (2016-2017) was one of the most painful — but most rewarding — years of my life. I am almost a completely different person than I was because God has taught me SO MUCH.  Unfortunately (?), I had to learn most of the lessons the hard way after I tried to do things my way.

I’ve learned… (NOT a comprehensive list, which should give you an idea of the scale of character growth that went on this year)

• To cherish relationships, but also to not rush things.  Let God work on His timetable and no one less people get hurt.
• God has a much better plan for me than whatever I could have dreamed up, even if I don’t see how in the world! it is better for me.  And I don’t mean “better for me” like broccoli is better for me than ice cream, I mean that it’s better for me because I discover that I really like carrots, which are a way better snack than Skittles for my body.  Please tell me that made sense.
• To let God have His way in me and through me and not to try to do things MY way instead.  Letting Him initiate things has 100% of the time worked better than when I try to push my own agenda.
• How rewarding putting time into relationships can be, and how amazing it is to have God-centered relationships, whether it be with my parents, friends, or even guys.
• That God knows.  I was going to make that a longer, more specific sentence, but I think it stands alone.  He knows what it’s like to be in charge of a group of people who can’t follow or listen to instructions without being told 4 times (#rabbilife #counselorlife).  He knows what it’s like to pray because you have no other, no better option.  He knows what it’s like to have people depending on you, and you cannot let them down.  He knows what it’s like to love the outcast.  He knows what it’s like to be the outcast.  Guys, He. Knows.
• To high-five strangers.  Yup.  So many times…
• That people don’t really notice you as much as you think they do.  But also that they care much more about you than you could ever imagine.  Weird, but true.  Thus, you can be yourself: When I am bored, I like to wiggle my arms like Henry the Octopus sped up like The Flash doing the arm breakdance thing where you start with your hand and it travels to your shoulder… you get the picture.  So, I do that thing.  At camp, the rest of the staff knew about my dancing problems that I did this, and sometimes one of the other counselors, Desiree, would do it back to me like a secret code for “I acknowledge you and I sympathize.”  Yeaaaahhh.  She didn’t like me less because I was goofy, she just took it in stride.  That’s how you know your true friends.  (They can just smile back too. 🙂 )
• God doesn’t make mistakes.  Ever.  Everyone I met this summer was put in my life for a purpose.  Even the things that went “wrong” were for a purpose to accomplish good in my life or create great memories. (funny how that happens…)
• Sometimes hard decisions aren’t so hard if you are willing to follow God’s prompting.

Hopefully you can resonate with at least one of these points, or that one encourages you. 🙂

-Syd the Squid

 

The amazing (if I do say so myself) summer staff of Camp Gilead 2017, who God used to facilitate a lot of my growth (hence most of this list of points) this summer.  ❤ ❤ ❤

 

A Fresh Start

5-13-17
I need a fresh start,

Please give me a new heart.

A heart that looks

Just like You

So that I can be

A girl made new

I want Your love to fill my soul

Cause no one else’s ever will
Squid

My Father’s Chivalry

I’ve never dated, yet I have a pretty good idea of what romantic love feels like.  My father picks me up on Tuesdays from my mom’s house and we either go birding, get dinner, go back to his house and play games, watch TV, or play music (or a mixture of these).  During these activities, we talk, cuddle, laugh, and make crazy memories.  He’s quite the gentleman and holds the door for me at restaurants, kisses me on the head while we’re watching a movie and cuddling, and holds my hand when we’re driving (allowing that he can afford to take one hand off the wheel).  He texts me randomly during the day, telling me that he loves me.  We joke that when (if) I ever am in a relationship like that with a guy, I’ll have some pretty high standards because of the amazing example my daddy’s been.  And, there’s always some truth behind every joke.  I know what it feels like to be loved and cherished, and I won’t settle for anything less than chivalrous.

Chivalry  is almost outdated these days, as the feminist agenda has permeated most of our culture.  If women are equal to men, why should men treat women as delicate, special, and loved ones to be cherished?  Something I’m very thankful for is that at our church, young men are encouraged to hold the doors for ladies by the very example of their elders.  I’ve had all ages of “men” hold the door open for me, even down to the youngest son of our pastor.  That is something very dear falling from grace in our everyday lives.

But even more than affectionate love on the spur of the moment, I have my Savior’s example of true, sacrificial love for me.  Instead of letting me perish, he gave his own life away.

“Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.”

“In the same way, husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church.”

My Heavenly Father loves me so much that even when I was a sinner, he died.  For me!  Can you believe that?  And, even when I fail to realize how much I owe, he forgives that and gives me more understanding.

I know that no mere mortal man can ever measure up to these high standards, but they’re a good target to aim for, right? 🙂  I thank God for my father, and for the example he has been and constantly is in my life.

Dear Daddy,

Your loving,

Squid

The Truth is Unchanging

I hope that the reblog I posted last week made you really think about what you believe, and helped you see what you don’t. Today I’m going to repost one of my own blog posts from a while back, a poem.  This summed up what I believed and still do.  I hope you enjoy it and that it rings true in your heart.

Believed for so long
“Known” to be true.
Evolution from soup
Of me and you.

Creationists laughed at
But would you believe it?
Call it science?

Growing from soup
By process unknown.
Little to no proof,
Wait, hold the phone.

You want me to believe that?
I’m just an accident?
With the design I see
All around me?

I’m sorry, no I just can’t,
There is no evidence.
Design always spawns from a designer,
Of that I’m completely sure.

Does this beautiful world look accidental…
To you?
Perfect systems in place
To keep us all glued.

I think that they’re wrong,
That we’ve been lied to.
I believe there’s a God,
He loves me and you.

Instead of nature, creation
Purposeful and perfect
Made with a plan
But we ruined it.

Instead of our eternal happiness,
We disobeyed, and on us a curse was placed.
Death and troubles, separation from God.
Could this be the end?  No it was not.

A sacrifice for us,
Taking the penalty,
Death’s new victim,
Oh! No, it couldn’t be!

Jesus Christ, God’s only son
Loved immeasurably, loves us as one.
He took our punishment, the grave.
Overcoming death, he saves!

Oh glorious day!
The curse has been broken,
The shackles fall down,
So why does the world endlessly frown?

Because Jesus saves,
We owe a debt gladly paid,
Telling the world
That they can be changed!

But the debt is unappealing,
Bondage!  They say.
They can save themselves,
It’s “easier” that way.

But they don’t understand
The gravity of their plight.
Jesus Christ is the only way,
The only one who can save the day.

The God of the universe is calling you,
What will you answer, what will you do?
He alone is mighty to save,
For you he died, his soul he gave.

Will you let him?
Let him save you.
Throw down your pride,
Let him love you.

From Do You Believe? (written and published by me 10 months ago)

“Falling” In Love

I’m not going to write a long post about Valentine’s Day, instead I’ll simply share a quote from Grammarly.com…

You can’t blame gravity for falling in love.   Albert Einstein

Also I’m going to recommend an absolutely hilarious video by YouTube comedians Studio C.  I can’t recall the exact name, but if you search “valentines day studio c” on YouTube I’m positive it will come up. 🙂

Remember:

God is love.
Luv Is A Verb. (dc Talk)
Love, love, love; Christians this is your call.

Squid